"How many children do you have?"
This question seemed like an easy one to answer... prior to losing Aiden.
Now, this question seemed so complex; almost unanswerable.
If I say four, will I have to go into detail?
If I say three, does that mean I am denying my son?
To be honest, I've answered the question both ways.
There are times that I simply cannot speak about SIDS, or what happened to my son without breaking down; my rough patches. At those times, I know that I am not capable of explaining what happened to Aiden; so I simply don't.
Does this mean I am denying my son, his existence, his life? Absolutely not.
The harsh reality is, I will be reminded everyday that my son lived... and died. I will be reminded everyday that there is a hole in my heart that will never heal. I will be reminded everyday, when I look at my living children, of how much I miss my son. How could I deny that?
There are times when I don't want to or simply can't explain the tragedy of my son's death, explain what SIDS is, all while bawling to the Avon lady I just met. And THAT IS OKAY.
Revealing such personal grief is a choice that only you can make.
- Jes
I am the same way. People ask how many children I have and I always want to say 2 beautiful boys, but I've had bad experiences with telling people about my son dying of SIDS. One person responded with saying I was sick for telling them that but I couldn't help it. I feel like Im pretending Kristopher was never here if I don't acknowledge him.
ReplyDeleteLove this post...we are reminded every day that our son lived...and died. I hate this question because of the guilt but have learned to answer it and not be afraid to cry if people ask :(
ReplyDeleteThat is so true! I feel the same way. I never want to deny the fact that I have a beautiful son who died and left his twin sister behind. And I have had the same expirences like talking about it to someone I barely know and crying or just not being able to say a word.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is that I miss my sweet baby boy every day. And always will- I love you Mason Drew Devasher